Snow by Sherman Ondine

Author:Sherman Ondine
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Pantera Press

Chapter 11

It’s lunchtime and we pack up the tent, stacking pillows, blowing out candles and layering on clothes. Adam tells me how Jaxon begged him to bring him along, he was so worried about me. They’d shared the driving through the night. Melody insists they both stay and rest a little before driving back. With permission from the women, Jaxon comes inside too, so he can have a quick sleep and something to eat.

I’ve had enough talking. And I don’t know what to say to Jaxon—my feelings are all muddled. Is he also at fault for not telling me? Does he hunt too? I don’t know. Anyway, I leave Melody to handle it and follow the women to the food tent.

Melody joins me after a few minutes, and we fill our plates at the salad table and sit on a mat to eat.

‘Cutting people out of your life is easy,’ she says, chewing grated carrots and sultanas. ‘Keeping them in is hard.’

‘That’s very Dr Phil of you, as always,’ I say, and her face falls.

‘Being sarcastic is just a front for your hurt. It’s better to be vulnerable, Sky. That’s how you connect with people, really connect. And how you heal.’

I take a bite of my rice-paper spring roll. I have no comeback to that.

My phone buzzes in my pocket; it’s Oliver. I press reject—it’s impossible to talk to him now.

‘There’s no perfect parent,’ Autumn adds. ‘Gosh. You should have met my father. He had so many demons they were coming out of his ears.’

No perfect parent. It reminds me of what Ted said about his dad.

‘But I still loved him,’ Autumn continues. ‘I had to. And in his own crazy way, he loved me back.’ Melody squeezes Autumn’s leg and she smiles back at her sadly.

‘Why can’t there be a perfect one?’ I ask.

‘We are all flawed. I know I am, aren’t I?’ Melody says.

I don’t answer.

‘I should have been there for you in the months after Eli died. I know I should.’

‘It’s okay,’ I say.

‘No, it’s not. When I’m needed, sometimes, I run. My therapist says I have unresolved issues with my mother that have made me afraid of the pressure, the responsibility, of caring for someone because I’m sure I’ll screw it up. On some level I thought I was doing you a favour, that I’d spare you. I know I have to work on that.’

She moves a lock of hair off my face. I don’t move away as I did before.

‘It’s just …’ I swallow my carrot salad with difficulty. ‘I keep seeing the little fawn, crying for his mum, like me. Why can’t we just be kind and peaceful? Why do we have to be violent, treat animals so badly? You wouldn’t believe how horrible it was in that farm where I found Chirp. What’s wrong with people?’ I turn to Melody and then Autumn, genuinely hoping for an explanation. ‘Why is there so much cruelty? I can’t understand how people can do it.’ I bite my lips as tears well.

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